Saturday, September 12, 2009

What on earth am I thinking?!

My mind and heart and everything else are racing with thoughts of so many things. Part of me is freaking out realising for the first time in 16 years I'm not in school in September, part of me is so excited to leave for my mission, part of me is taking a stroll on memory lane, and part of me is thinking " holy crap, I'm gonna be in another country for 18 months". I know it's normal to have so many thoughts but I wish there was a way to simplify it all RIGHT NOW. OK well i guess there is, and that is called prayer, But that is how this whole thing started. For those of you who don't know the story of why i decided to serve a mission, here it is.
On January 31st of this year, it was a Saturday, I decided to go to the Rexburg Temple for Baptisms for the Dead. I had a lot of questions i needed answers to and i thought there was no better place than the temple to be able to get them. I was considering dating a boy, i was thinking about grad school, and maybe a mission was somewhere in the back of my mind. I thought i was getting there early to beat the rush but i ended up being stuck in the middle of a 4 hour wait. That day was already busy and as i sat the first two hours waiting for my clothes thoughts of "why am i still here, i have Home work to do, i could be getting so much done"- all passed my mind. I tried to concentrate on the work i was going to be doing and why i was really there so i read some scriptures. I read D&C 6, then i read my partiarchle blessing, Then finally i changed. When i sat back down on the 3rd row i believe i began flipping through an old New Era magazine. It was the special issue on "Preparing to serve a Mission" i began reading it and for some odd reason began to tear up. I didn't know why but the impression came to be I needed to start preparing for a mission. It was so clear and so simple but it hit me hard. So i said Ok- " I'll go where you want me to go" I went home after the temple and wrote down the experience but i had yet to tell anyone about it. The next day at Church everything seemed to point to missionary work, we even sang " I'll go where you want me to go" in relief society, I called my parents and told them.
Other then my sisters i didn't really tell anyone. Some time went by and i began to ask Heavenly father, Are you sure? Me? Why me? It was the night before Conference in April and i asked for a answer again and i heard " didn't i already give you my answer?" He had, and i knew what it was. The whole experience, there is no words to decribe but i know it even now brings me great peace. I got my answer, i know what i need to do.
After typing this i feel very calm again. I will still wonder about my friends at school and try to figure out things that will happen 18 months from now, but no matter what I need to remember I already got my answer. I am going to serve a Mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I am going to be a representative of the Church in England where I will get to labor to teach the people of the truth of our savior. I am going to have moments where i second guess myself, I'm indecisive, it happens, but I know this is where the Lord has need of me. Everything else will be taken care of.
For those who are reading this, i don't really know why i am posting this other than the fact that it is making me feel better. All i have to say to you is remember when the lord has need he will provide a way. I have seen his hand in my life, and i know this is HIS will. No matter what you do in life, remember to turn to the lord in prayer and ask as young Joseph did when he followed the direction of the scriptures " If any of ye lack wisdom, let him ask of god..." (James 1:5).
God hears YOUR prayers, and he knows who you are and the struggles and joys of your heart. I am about to do something i never thought i would do, but the way is being prepared and i pray i will have the faith to be the best tool in his hands that i can be.


Scott and Kristine said...

love ya girl... you are going to rock

Bekah B said...

i just love you ang