A Troubled Mind

I find that my mind is troubled today. I'm sitting in the computer lab between classes and was going to work on an Exam when i decided writing everything out might be a bit more beneficial. Life is so good, but some how i feel myself wanting to take a vacation from it all. That or have my life map laid out in front of me so i could understand it all a little better. At the end of every semester I find that an apartment fill of girls hits the roof. There is always something said or done that offends one person or the other and when clean checks come around it can be a high stress or contentious situation. I am so grateful for the calming power of prayer. I really REALLY am! I am not the perfect pray-er but at the same time i know how to utilize the privilege. IF there is one thing i truly don't like it is the feeling contention with in my heart. I was praying so hard the other day to not feel upset about some measly things. All my responses to life are my own choice. I may not have control over my circumstances or the actions of others but i will always have the power as to how i choose to deal with them! I guess i should be running to class and try to silently confront this troubled mind of mine. Life is what we make it, are we going to take chances, or watch them be taken? Are we going to be the cause of a problem or the solution? Life, its our choice, how do you plan on living it?
A. Kerr

Unexpected Holiday!

So this year Thanksgiving break had a mind of its own. My plans had me heading home for a family filled holiday. I was so excited to see my family, both immediate and distant i couldn't stand it. But like i said the holiday break has its own mind and chose otherwise for me. I had a great few days in Provo with a special someone and a beloved sister and Sunday night the news came. My ride had some family thing to deal with and would no longer be heading to California as previously planned. I was sad, yes, and even shed a few tears but none the less it all turned out well. I was able to spend some extra time with my special someone and even more time with my sister and her husband. We played board games, we went to craft stores, almost made a blanket, i even played at a few parks.Truthfully the week was different and there wasn't Pumpkin pie on thanksgiving but it was so good and turned out well. And for those of you who are reading this, no I'm not engaged and i don't have a boyfriend but I'm talking to someone whom i care for very much. We are both taking it slow and one day at a time. So don't ask, no need to worry, no marriage for me, for a LONG time!

It was so much fun on Wed. Allison Bockholt and Lizzy Brambila and I got together and did some holiday cooking, it amazed us how long we'd known each other. I'll be honest the Pies we made were delicious!! # yummy Apple Pies and several house of laughter later, it was a great day! Well everyone who i spent time with thanks for the great time, Happy Holidays! ( Pictures coming soon)

Calender:

• Utah Dec. 12
  Home Dec. 15
• Christmas Dec 25!

I can't wait to spend time with my family again! We will see what the next few weeks brings. There is so much potential!

Quotes of the Blog

"life is only awkward if you make it that way"-Dan Garner

"Christ can calms the waves, but sometimes he just calms the sailor"-Sacrament Speaker

-A.Kerr

Craving Change

Life is great and really i don't have much to complain about but today i find myself seriously craving change. And the hardest part of this craving is i don't know how to cure it. I could dye my hair, or cut it, make a new friend, or i don't know. I went about my day just feeling like something wasn't right with the world and all i wanted was to know what it was. Am i being selfish? I kind of am having one of those moments where i just want someone to hold me, so that even for a moment i can just let go.
I went for a run tonight, trying to clear my mind. I haven't run for nearly 4 months. It felt great but my body still isn't the same. I'm sure I'll be sore in the morning, but none the less despite the aching ankle and cold lungs it felt good to get out, to break up my thoughts with the pounding of my feet on the ground. With each step i was able to break up my thoughts, for just a moment, but it was a moment of much needed relief. I wonder if maybe I'm such an independent person because I'm so afraid of relying upon someone else and being let down. Maybe that is really what i am so afraid of. If i don't put myself on the line i am not letting someone let me fall. well these were just some thoughts. Wanted to get them out. I am still craving change, and if its God's Will it will happen. But all i can do is put my faith in him and it will work out. He is one person who i dont mind depending on because he will never let me down!
Well I'm gonna get some sleep start a new day and work on being the change i want to see. I might be craving chance but this is all my choice. I can do anything. Faith, sometimes its blind
A Kerr

maybe

I think the trickiest word in the English language is Maybe. Well at least one of them. I was thinking about that today, Maybe. It can be used to mean so many things. Some good some bad, all none the less have this possibility factor and its tricky. If you go through a single day and ask yourself how many times you SAY maybe or Hear it, you'd be surprised. Are we some kind of people afraid to commit to words like yes and no? Or is maybe its just a habit we have. hm, none the less, that is my current thought. MAYBE its the simplest way to answer but hardest word to read. Great word when you aren't sure, but its tricky too. How many times do you say maybe? Maybe a lot maybe a little. Maybe
A. Kerr

quote of the day: " Be the change you want to see in this world "- Gandhi courtesy of Jake Ballentine

Communication!

The power of communication is so amazing. Bad communication can have more consequences then thought possible, and good communication can being about so much good. I am writing briefly to say I am grateful for communication. I got a chance to sit and talk with someone last night and when I walked away at the end I didn't feel like our conversation was missing anything. We were both open and honest and for once i wasn't afraid to just say what was on my mind. We talked about the most random topics but still it helped us get to know each other on a new level which was truly appreciated. Even silent communication can say so much. A good friends is someone who when you're together you say absolutely nothing, yet something is clearly understood. So today, i am grateful for good communication and honesty. if you think something, don't be afraid to say it, I'd rather know I'm OK talking with you about anything then fearing I didn't say enough at all.

Communication, it takes you places

"Mary did you know"

Its just another day. So I didn't think i get sick very often. Well I've since taken a better look and realised i get sick more often then i realise. 2 weeks ago a had a cold that royally sucked, and then the last few days I've had some form of the flu. Oh man, I hate being sick. I'm feeling better yes, but none the less i still have that sick to my stomach feeling, and i Don't like it.
Last week i had a conversation with a friend about being Spiritually Numb. You get so used to feeling the spirit that you almost feel numb. I mean your doing everything right, doing all the things your supposed to but nothing seems to give you that great feeling. There are a few moments but mainly your just there. Those truly are some of the hardest times to exist. Although yes, its hard and undoubtedly it stinks to feel numb to everything, I guess we should be grateful at the same time, right? We are used to the spirit, so it isn't absent. Its all a leaarned experience, even though i feel like i'm doing all i can do, there is more to be done. I am learning so much, yet i know i have more yet to learn
Lately I've been contemplating a lot on the birth of the Savior. The song " Mary did you know" and " I stand all amazed" have been ringing through my mind. I imagine as i sing " i Stand all amazed" that i was there as Mary Magdalene, standing amazed at the foot of the cross reminiscing and standing amazed at the love he showed for me, a sinner. The whole song means so much to me as i think of what he did for me. Then the song Mary did you know. I know Mary knew she was giving birth to the savior of the world, but really did she understand all it pertained. I am looking forward to this Christmas. As I get older Family really is just becoming more and more important to me. I miss each of them so much and i treasure the time i spent with them.
Well i guess i can end this post. I just wanted to blog for a moment, and kill time before class. I hope you know that I know that my Savior lives. Through him my righteous desires are possible. I pray that I will humble enough for him to lead me.
sincerely
a. kerr

On Top Of it!

Oh man, So its been a wonderful today. I finished my last midterm last night and now I can say I'm half way done. The semesters seem to go fast, and its really hard to believe I'm a junior in college and already trying to plan out Grad School. Oh Dang. So I feel like I'm on top of the world right now. Even though I'm sitting at work doing virtually nothing, its been a wonderful day. It all started at 7 am, when i actually got out of bed on time and was determined to make today great. I got ready did hw, and was totally on top of it. I even got everything, well just about, done that i had planned.
I don't know how to explain it exactly but yeah. Its been a good day and I've been in a great mood! On Monday my Ward had a Halloween party. lol It was so much fun! Two of my friends, Michelle, Jessica, and I, all dressed up like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It was Hilarious! Somehow we squeezed our 20 year old selves into 6 year old boy's consumes. It really was a lot of fun and if i do say so, it was quite a hit. Oh how fun Halloween can be.
Next Item to Discuss is my class project for Religion 264 project. To say the least I'm a little excited! What i am doing is a "Mass Scripture Marking". OK so here it is, what i am doing is taking 6-8 hrs and marking my scriptures. The current quad that I have i got when i was about 8. Its quite well marked, with things from over the years, so i went and bought a military sized Book of Mormon( about the size of a very small book) and I am going to go through the two and transfer the scriptures I marked from one to the other. I am hoping that this will help me be able to take the scriptures with me everywhere. It will be my Travel size! Its been a lot of fun so far. I am marking different subjects in different colors and adding little captions to help me find scriptures faster. Its fun to see what I've marked over the years. One of the things I've loved throughout my study of this prophetic book is that you can read a verse a hundred times and it can have a different meaning to you each time. It always says the same thing, and teaches the doctrine but how your interpret it is always specific to your need and interpretation of the spirit at that time. So If you wanna send me your Fav Book of Mormon Scripture I'd appreciate it. Thanks!
PS- I'm wearing the Halloween socks my mom sent me in a package.
(Socks make me happy:)

Putting my Red High Heels on!

Well Its October and i'm 20! I can't believe i'm in my twenties. Its a little weird to admit. But none the less it feels good and I'm moving onward. Life has been moving so fast but still not much has changed. I put high Heels on for the first time in 3 months this month and its been great. I've chosen to walk talk with my red heels on.
This weekend had been quite traumatic though, one of my Best friends Morgan's roommate died on Friday in a car accident. Then yesterday MY roommate Carrie Broke her neck in a 4-wheeling accident. Carrie is doing well and has no Paralysis, but still it was shocking to find out. In the last 24-hrs i've been the hospital twice and its been interesting, She is a truly loved girl, and even though this is going to have a trail, she is extremely blessed, she easily could have been killed. So please keep her in your prayers.
Here are a few updates on me, So i turn 20 on Oct, 4th. It was a very relaxed day, it being conference weekend and all, but it was great none the less. Morgan and I got pedicures between sessions and then got all dolled up and went out to dinner. Over all is was a great Birthday. Last weekend my Mom was able to come up from California which was awesome. Sadly it ended up being the only weekend so far this semester in which it snowed. Funny how that works. So she froze but it was so great having her here.
I stopped going to Physical therapy about a week or so ago, and i can still feel things being tight but I'm trying to stay active and make it work none the less. I've been blessed to say the least. Work has been going well, I kind of was given a Promotion. I am now going to start training to do the billing and paperwork. So that's cool, and oh yeah, I got the R.A. Job for my complex for next semester. I'm trying to figure out if i should do EFY next summer or not. I think I'll apply and see what happens. It was a great Job, and i love the youth so we'll see. Dating, well my Ex Came up this weekend but i was So busy i only saw him for a few hrs. He has really grown up but there are somethings he does that makes him still seem like a teenager to me (by the way he is about 2 yrs older then I) and other then that I'm just playing hard to get for one boy, and nothing other then that. So pretty much I'm still more single then ever but I'm dealing OK with it.
I want to just stop and thank my heavenly father for a loving family I've been blessed with, Also for prayer. Especially in times of trial we tend to turn to our father in heaven but i am so grateful to have the knowledge that he is there and he understands. My savior Jesus Christ knows all i have been though and will yet experience, even though i do not know the trials to come i know that because was able to endure it, with his help so can I.
Someday I will find a husband who loves me, who doesn't make fun of me so it hurts, and who knows how to make me laugh, and most of all who makes me want to be better. Until that day i will continue working on becoming the person i want to be. Until then, God be with you till I write again.
A.Kerr

3 Topics, One Blog

I know most college students feel like this but for me it REALLY feels like the library is my new home! I work there, I study there, and on most days i spent more time awake there then in my own apartment! what the heck!? It makes no sense to me. too bad you can't pay rent according to actual hours spent in the room your renting. But its OK. So this weekend has been fun, i went to dinner with my roommates and then to the big party of the year here in the 'burg. It was fun, even if i was afraid my foot was going to get stepped on the whole night. Not cool. Then I saw an old friend and yeah. Why is it that the people you don't want to be in love with you, are.
So once upon a time i had a Missionary. After much heart felt prayer i decided we needed to stop writing. To make a long story short, we were writing as more then friends and that isn't a way i should be talking to a missionary. I told him we needed to be friends and only friends, he is a missionary and that is his first priority. I stand firmly behind that decision but i think he has a hard time taking it. We had a talk about it the other night I hope he got the point. I was very proud of myself for exercising willpower. But No is a no. Once you've received an answer, that it. OK enough of that topic, i don't like discussing it much.
So I've finished the book of Mormon again. I love that book. I'm not sure how many times I've read it now, but it still amazes me what i can get from it. I have never had the same experience twice when I read those beloved pages. This time around i found the chapter where Moroni is saying his last farewell ( the first time) to be very enlightening. I've now begun to read the New Testament. It can be difficult reading but I love the stories of Christ and i look forward to studying them. Along with all this reading I've been doing a lot of thinking. Mission or not. Yeah, I'm still a year away from it, and a lot can happen in a year, but i find myself wanting to serve. I would love to be married if that is whats right for me, a year from now, but i am living my life as though i am preparing to serve. If i do get the chance to serve i will leave next fall. I guess we'll all have to wait and see, is a mission really right for me.
Its a year of possibilities, a year of decisions, and hopefully a year or growth as well.

Did you know I love to dance?

Rock step, triple, triple, Rock step. Cuddle, Dip and Spin. Triple Swing, its one of my favorite dances. Its fast, its fun, and its a great exercise. To some dancing is an activity, to some it is just good exercise. But to me dancing, is... me. It makes me happy, its what i do went i miss someone. I don't know how to explain it, its just something i do. When i could walk a little easier, i used to dance in the kitchen while making dinner, or when i was lonely. I dance all the time, all i need now is a dance partner. But that will happen in time, as for now I'll just keep dancing, holding auditions.

So school has started again and I'm already in the fill swing of things again. I have a heavy course load but it seems that everything is going alright. My new home is not my new apartment but the good old McKay Library. Seriously, between work and HW and reading i have to do for classes, I am in the library or on campus about 4 hrs a day, and more if I work that day. I was even talking to my roommate tonight and she was asking where i had been, seriously i hadn't seen her in two days. Crazy. We live together!

Next, I guess its time for an Ankle Update. I have one word... Painful. My ankle had been doing great for about two weeks, then this week happened, i don't know what i did, but it hurts. The joint is doing just fine, no pain there, but then there is inflammation in the middle of my foot like deep between my toes. And it hurts to walk, it hurts to stand. Only time is doesn't hurt is while I'm sleeping. Although I have been able to see the multiple blessings in regards to my leg there are still hard times.

So now that I've done the updates, Ive got to give my blessing. So my Uncle knows all my surgeons. He was talking to my doctor the other day when he gave him some interesting insight. The break i had isn't uncommon, but the way my body dealt with it was. Generally the break I had is accompanied with at least two other breaks including the femur, and in most cases the back. I have said this before and I'll say it again the calmness i felt the day of my accident was amazing. Yeah i was in for a big trial, but I was calm about the activity, I was even calm about jumping. I know it seems weird to say, but i was blessed that day, i have seen the blessings from it, everyday. All i need to do now is take my trial, and apply it to my life, making everyday better then the last.

-A.Kerr

A summer of lessons and now a year of possiblities.

August Rush. No, I'm not talking about the movie. I mean August, the month that feels like a Rush. I just got home a few days ago from one of the best experiences of my life and I feel that I am being thrown into this August Rush as i press forward and get ready for school again. Alright, Alright, I'm excited for school, you've got me there, but it seems like it so close. If there is any month of the summer that goes by fastest it would be this month. You've got to get school supplies, make plans, set schedules, say good-byes, and who knows what else.
In about a week I'll be at Disneyland for the big EFY counselor Trip, then with in a few days I'll be off to Idaho for school again. I've been trying to finalize all my travel plans and how exactly i am going to afford everything but i guess this is just one more thing I'm going to have to be patient about. Go figure.
As a quick update, the last two weeks of my life have been amazing! I had my challenging moments but I found that it has strengthened me and solidified my love and testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ even more. I have had 14 14 year old boys fall in love with me, i had 20 girls become my friend and i learned so much. Did you know that in the Bible Dictionary there is such a thing as the "Harmony's of the Gospel"? I didn't. Apparently its every story of Christ, and there is SO much to learn! I learned from the youth, and found strength in them. I miss all my youth so much but i know if we all continue to live righteously then we will not falter but live onward and see each other again.
Now back to life. I seemed to miss out on what was happening in the world this summer, and i can't say i missed it. I found life beyond the media and news and it was a place of peace I'd rather not forget. I learned so much this summer and I've grown more then ever thought possible.
This next year will truly be a year of possibilities. I could possibly find someone to marry, possibly be applying to graduates school, and possibly turning in my papers to serve a mission, but none the less, i will continue to live according to the lords will.
Someone said to me this summer when you ask for direction don't ask God where you should be going, tell him what you have planned and ask if it be right that it may be accomplished and if not that if may be impossible.
Luke 1:37- "For with god Nothing (Righteous) is impossible"
Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ which Strengthen Me"
I will now take the lessons I've learned and press forward through my August Rush, and be steadfast and immovable in my year of possibilities! I can truly do all things through Christ which Strengthen me!

Why Do We Get Nervous?

OK, so why is it that humans get nervous? Is it because we are anticipating a catastrophic event to take place, or is it because we can't predict the outcome, or worst of all, is it because we know the outcome and don't like it? I am not sure which one sparks this odd emotion but i do know one thing, I do not like it. I find myself sitting and thinking about the "what ifs" all too much. I am a planner, someone who likes to have plans and see them executed. I'm the one who is obsessively on time and enjoys having her day's events planned out. It is true, i can function just fine with out a plan but sometimes its just nice knowing what's up next. For me, it seems to remove, some of the nervousness. There are few things i am shy with, a small handful of men make me shy/nervous, and singing by myself publicly. I don't know what it is about those two things they do me in so badly, but i can't seem to fight it. At this very moment i find myself facing one of these challenges. No i am not about to go sing publicly, yet, but i find there is a person who i don't understand and its making me utterly nervous. There is an event Saturday and i thought it would be fun to invite this friend to come along. I haven't seen this person for nearly 6 weeks now. Yeah sure we've talked, but not as much as I'd like, and their hesitation to accept the invitation was disheartening. I don't know whether it was um, i don't want to go with you, or an i don't want to go to this event. I'm feeling a little better now after writing my thoughts out, but still i am nervous as to what the outcome of the evening will be. I think i well end up as "just friends" with this individual but who knows. As this very moment i am perfectly OK with that. I mean come on, he doesn't even know.
Well now that I've written all this I'll wrap it up now by saying on thing "No one can make you feel inferior with out your consent"- Eleanore Roosevelt. She's right, Only i can let this bug me, he doesn't know, why would he care?
Till next time, we'll see where life takes me next...

Angela

"I love You"

Three very Powerful words. I always understood their power but now more then ever. Its not because I've told someone, but because someone told me. I've been reflecting a lot on the matter lately, even prior to the event. I said " i love 'ya" all the time. But suddenly i find myself wanted to use the word more sparingly. I can say i love my family, and many of my close friends. But to a "man" I've never said those three big words. I have had opportunity to say it to someone, but never have. A flirt, would be a good way to describe me most days. Very friendly, yes, but Someone said something to me a few weeks ago. "Make sure you let the guy you like feel special, and not just another guy your flirting with". That phrase really stuck with me. Am i making my someone special feel special? I don't even have a certain special someone right now, but I'm just thinking.

I need to be careful, make the words and the actions mean so much more. Kisses are special, I've always felt that way, words are special, and not my intentional flirting should be also. I can still be friendly, but i need to be careful to not let friendly turn into flirty too much. When I said "I love you" I want him to know I mean it! Hopefully I'll only have to say it to one man. Life is interesting when you stand back for 5 min and watch from a distance. Someone said there are three types of people in our lives, Leaves, branches, and roots. Leaves will come and go with the seasons in our lives, Branches are good friends who we trust until we put ourselves on them and they leave us high and dry, unable to give support. And final we have few roots, who are those people who will come into our lives and who will always be there to keep us standing, lifting us up and who keep us growing.
Roots are few are far between, but someone day i will have a new root, i just need to be patient for that time, Let it grow. "I love you" Three words with more meaning then even thought possible.

Back to Work Again, and i'm happy about it!

So its back to work for me! I went to the doctor on Friday and he gave me the big OK to go back to work as an EFY counselor! I can't even express how excited I am. Being a counselor this summer ) prior to the big break) has been the most amazing experience. I remember going to EFY as a kid and i loved every minute of it. Cute boys, awesome people, spiritual experiece, that seemed to sum it up. But no as an Adult going it seems so much more. Yes there is are cute men ( counselors of course) and there are awesome people, and great spiritual experiences, yes, but one of the things i love the most is the feeling I get being with the youth of the church. I have had the chance to work with 30 girls so far and i'll get to personally work with 20 or so more. I can't wait for this new experience! Getting the chance to watch the youth grow in the gospel is awe insipring. On monday they come many not knowing anyone and by friday they cry because they are leaving life long friends.
Getting to watch a bunch of teenagers draw closer to Christ is amazing. Youth come from all walks of life and face many different challenges but at EFY they get the chance to leave it all behind for a week and focus on the spirit. I love the spirit i feel being sumersied for weeks at a time with these great kids! I find myself after testimony meeting pleading with my father in heaven that they will be protected and they they won't forget what they felt. I've seen kids literally change in a weeks time. It was amazing, and it will be even more amazing. I know, this will be a summer i'll never forget!
We'll see where these next few weeks bring me. After this I go to Disneyland for the counselor trip, then back to school a few weeks later! Hopefully i can walk by then!!

This is cannot be Hid. Week 3A! My 16-18 year olds! Wise beyond their years!

Jen and I. We were Co-Counselors week 3A. We had way too much fun, and we got paid for it!

I've fallen and I Can't get up...

June 21, 2008 was an adventure I personally will never forget! I had gone to Moab on a last Minute camping trip with friend of mine from EFY. It was a crazy week, i went repelling, canyoning, it was amazing! Well the last activity of the trip was to take a hike up to some waterfalls called "Left Hand" and go cliff jumping into the water. My friend i was sitting with had left me to take some pictures and as i was sitting alone i thought to myself " I've done all this crazy stuff, if i don't do this simple jump, I'll regret it." So I went up and some guy said "go ahead sweet heart" and I jumped. It was about a 20+ foot fall and about half way down i started to scream. It was all fun until i hit the water, and a sand bar quickly thereafter. One leg hit fine, then my right leg hit and something wasn't right. I came up out of the water and couldn't move my foot. I swam to the side, and crawled to the edge. Looking up to my friend I said " something isn't right, I can't move my leg". Soon two nurses and an EMT from our camping group were there to help. Even they knew something was wrong. They wrapped me up and put some Ice on it and then three handsome strong men alternated carrying me out of the mile and 1/2 trail. I was in good spirits and wasn't in much pain.

Finally we reached the hospital and i quickly learned that my leg was broken. I broke both the Fibula and Tibia just above my ankle. My parents dropped everything in California and drove to Moab to pick me up. I was very well taken care of by my new friends, but now i went home to get surgery. I now have 9 screws and a metal plate in my leg.

The ordeal has been rough but i know this is an answer to prayers in a way. I'd been praying for a way to be more submissive and willing to ask for help, and I got it. For the first few days I couldn't do much by myself. I have been so blessed I can't even express my gratitude. This experience has been challenging and even I, a positive person has had a hard time, but i know things happen for a reason. I have a long recovery ahead of me, but I know through my savior and lord, anything is possible!

This is hard, this will not be easy, but it will make me stronger.

Every Day is an Adventure

Wow, what can I say, I guess I finally jumped on the band wagon and started a Blog. Both my older sister's have one and i thought why not. As for me, right now life is an adventure. I am a Junior at BYU-Idaho studying Health Science. I love to dance and be active in all aspects of life. Let's see where life takes me next.