Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Why Do We Get Nervous?

OK, so why is it that humans get nervous? Is it because we are anticipating a catastrophic event to take place, or is it because we can't predict the outcome, or worst of all, is it because we know the outcome and don't like it? I am not sure which one sparks this odd emotion but i do know one thing, I do not like it. I find myself sitting and thinking about the "what ifs" all too much. I am a planner, someone who likes to have plans and see them executed. I'm the one who is obsessively on time and enjoys having her day's events planned out. It is true, i can function just fine with out a plan but sometimes its just nice knowing what's up next. For me, it seems to remove, some of the nervousness. There are few things i am shy with, a small handful of men make me shy/nervous, and singing by myself publicly. I don't know what it is about those two things they do me in so badly, but i can't seem to fight it. At this very moment i find myself facing one of these challenges. No i am not about to go sing publicly, yet, but i find there is a person who i don't understand and its making me utterly nervous. There is an event Saturday and i thought it would be fun to invite this friend to come along. I haven't seen this person for nearly 6 weeks now. Yeah sure we've talked, but not as much as I'd like, and their hesitation to accept the invitation was disheartening. I don't know whether it was um, i don't want to go with you, or an i don't want to go to this event. I'm feeling a little better now after writing my thoughts out, but still i am nervous as to what the outcome of the evening will be. I think i well end up as "just friends" with this individual but who knows. As this very moment i am perfectly OK with that. I mean come on, he doesn't even know.
Well now that I've written all this I'll wrap it up now by saying on thing "No one can make you feel inferior with out your consent"- Eleanore Roosevelt. She's right, Only i can let this bug me, he doesn't know, why would he care?
Till next time, we'll see where life takes me next...

Sunday, July 20, 2008

"I love You"

Three very Powerful words. I always understood their power but now more then ever. Its not because I've told someone, but because someone told me. I've been reflecting a lot on the matter lately, even prior to the event. I said " i love 'ya" all the time. But suddenly i find myself wanted to use the word more sparingly. I can say i love my family, and many of my close friends. But to a "man" I've never said those three big words. I have had opportunity to say it to someone, but never have. A flirt, would be a good way to describe me most days. Very friendly, yes, but Someone said something to me a few weeks ago. "Make sure you let the guy you like feel special, and not just another guy your flirting with". That phrase really stuck with me. Am i making my someone special feel special? I don't even have a certain special someone right now, but I'm just thinking.
I need to be careful, make the words and the actions mean so much more. Kisses are special, I've always felt that way, words are special, and not my intentional flirting should be also. I can still be friendly, but i need to be careful to not let friendly turn into flirty too much. When I said "I love you" I want him to know I mean it! Hopefully I'll only have to say it to one man. Life is interesting when you stand back for 5 min and watch from a distance. Someone said there are three types of people in our lives, Leaves, branches, and roots. Leaves will come and go with the seasons in our lives, Branches are good friends who we trust until we put ourselves on them and they leave us high and dry, unable to give support. And final we have few roots, who are those people who will come into our lives and who will always be there to keep us standing, lifting us up and who keep us growing.
Roots are few are far between, but someone day i will have a new root, i just need to be patient for that time, Let it grow. "I love you" Three words with more meaning then even thought possible.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Back to Work Again, and i'm happy about it!

So its back to work for me! I went to the doctor on Friday and he gave me the big OK to go back to work as an EFY counselor! I can't even express how excited I am. Being a counselor this summer ) prior to the big break) has been the most amazing experience. I remember going to EFY as a kid and i loved every minute of it. Cute boys, awesome people, spiritual experiece, that seemed to sum it up. But no as an Adult going it seems so much more. Yes there is are cute men ( counselors of course) and there are awesome people, and great spiritual experiences, yes, but one of the things i love the most is the feeling I get being with the youth of the church. I have had the chance to work with 30 girls so far and i'll get to personally work with 20 or so more. I can't wait for this new experience! Getting the chance to watch the youth grow in the gospel is awe insipring. On monday they come many not knowing anyone and by friday they cry because they are leaving life long friends.
Getting to watch a bunch of teenagers draw closer to Christ is amazing. Youth come from all walks of life and face many different challenges but at EFY they get the chance to leave it all behind for a week and focus on the spirit. I love the spirit i feel being sumersied for weeks at a time with these great kids! I find myself after testimony meeting pleading with my father in heaven that they will be protected and they they won't forget what they felt. I've seen kids literally change in a weeks time. It was amazing, and it will be even more amazing. I know, this will be a summer i'll never forget!
We'll see where these next few weeks bring me. After this I go to Disneyland for the counselor trip, then back to school a few weeks later! Hopefully i can walk by then!!

This is cannot be Hid. Week 3A! My 16-18 year olds! Wise beyond their years!
Jen and I. We were Co-Counselors week 3A. We had way too much fun, and we got paid for it!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I've fallen and I Can't get up...

June 21, 2008 was an adventure I personally will never forget! I had gone to Moab on a last Minute camping trip with friend of mine from EFY. It was a crazy week, i went repelling, canyoning, it was amazing! Well the last activity of the trip was to take a hike up to some waterfalls called "Left Hand" and go cliff jumping into the water. My friend i was sitting with had left me to take some pictures and as i was sitting alone i thought to myself " I've done all this crazy stuff, if i don't do this simple jump, I'll regret it." So I went up and some guy said "go ahead sweet heart" and I jumped. It was about a 20+ foot fall and about half way down i started to scream. It was all fun until i hit the water, and a sand bar quickly thereafter. One leg hit fine, then my right leg hit and something wasn't right. I came up out of the water and couldn't move my foot. I swam to the side, and crawled to the edge. Looking up to my friend I said " something isn't right, I can't move my leg". Soon two nurses and an EMT from our camping group were there to help. Even they knew something was wrong. They wrapped me up and put some Ice on it and then three handsome strong men alternated carrying me out of the mile and 1/2 trail. I was in good spirits and wasn't in much pain.

Finally we reached the hospital and i quickly learned that my leg was broken. I broke both the Fibula and Tibia just above my ankle. My parents dropped everything in California and drove to Moab to pick me up. I was very well taken care of by my new friends, but now i went home to get surgery. I now have 9 screws and a metal plate in my leg.

The ordeal has been rough but i know this is an answer to prayers in a way. I'd been praying for a way to be more submissive and willing to ask for help, and I got it. For the first few days I couldn't do much by myself. I have been so blessed I can't even express my gratitude. This experience has been challenging and even I, a positive person has had a hard time, but i know things happen for a reason. I have a long recovery ahead of me, but I know through my savior and lord, anything is possible!

This is hard, this will not be easy, but it will make me stronger.

Every Day is an Adventure

Wow, what can I say, I guess I finally jumped on the band wagon and started a Blog. Both my older sister's have one and i thought why not. As for me, right now life is an adventure. I am a Junior at BYU-Idaho studying Health Science. I love to dance and be active in all aspects of life. Let's see where life takes me next.